


But, It's Only Me and I Don't Like Being Alone

by shippingismylife321



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Disassociation, Fluff, Gen, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loneliness, M/M, Paranoia, Social Anxiety, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shippingismylife321/pseuds/shippingismylife321
Summary: Was it even possible to feel this lonely while being around his family so much? He didn't understand any of his friends, not even Jeremy. Michael felt disconnected for some reason. Constantly paranoid and always self-conscious. Why should he tell anyone though? Not like there was a real reason too anyways.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	But, It's Only Me and I Don't Like Being Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Me, projecting all of my feelings onto a fictional character? It's more likely than you think. This is the last depressing fic I swear. I have something worth reading in the works right now. Also the title is from Jubyphonic's version of Tenohira Wonderland, so please go check her and her music out.

Michael sat on his bed looking at his phone as he normally did on his lazy Saturday mornings. There was only one more week left of school until he was finally off for the holiday break. He was pretty excited considering he had finals coming up and had studied for zero of them. Michael didn't particularly like coming out of his room in the mornings, since he knew he would be doing the exact same thing downstairs and why leave the comfort of his bed for the couch instead. 

Michael found himself getting more and more bored as the weekends went by without leaving his house. He didn't quite understand either because his newly found friends would ask him to hang out and then when he would respond later he would almost never get a response or the would cancel on him with no explanation. Michael was starting to get a little frustrated. That wasn't all though because even though him and Jeremy were dating now he didn't get texts from him or any sign that he was interested in anything he had to say at all. 

This whole thing got to the point where Michael was the only one who would try to reach out to any of his friends and only received radio silence in return. Eventually, he gave up. There wasn't a point in sending anything anymore since it seemed nobody cared at all. Michael always got excited every time his phone would buzz and then immediately be disappointed after seeing it was just a social media notification. 

A couple of months went by like this and nothing really changed aside from the occasional group hangout. Michael wanted to cry every time he saw that no one even texted or bothered to ask how he was doing. Michael was now convinced that all his friends must secretly hate him or something. He didn't want to believe that they were liars like the voice in his head told him, but he couldn't even see another reason as to why this could be happening. 

Michael then finally caved and decided to text Jeremy.

Player 1- hey, jer? how's it hangin'?

Player 2 <3- Hey, Micha? What's up? Haven't heard from you for a while. We should hang out sometime.

Michael read the text and felt angry tears brim in his eyes as he typed out a response.

Player 1- yeah. you alwys say tht and then never comit to anything.

Michael regretted the text as soon as he sent it. 

Player 2 <3- Aw, c'mon Mike. You know that I've been busy and been having family issues for a little while now. I'm not trying to ignore you. 

'He's lying to you.' The voice in Michael's head said. 'Why would he hang out with you? He doesn't really love you. It's all fake so he can use you when he needs it. Michael desperately tried to remember what Jeremy's note to him said. The note had said how Jeremy always needed him and how he made the hard moments in his life bearable, but how was he supposed to believe it. All Michael did now was mope around the house with his parents. 

Michael knew why Jeremy and the others were ignoring him. It was because everybody else was so likable and he just wasn't. 

Jeremy was smart and tall, even semi-popular at this point. People liked him because he was social and adorably awkward. Christine was an absolute saint. Everybody loved her and had no reason to dislike her. But, Michael. Michael was different.

Michael was short, anti-social, and still the furthest thing from popular even with all of his new friends. Known as the local weirdo that was obsessed with things nobody else cared about. Michael, the nervous awkward guy who couldn't even stand up for himself or help with group projects with people he didn't know because he was so afraid of their judgement. What he said was of no importance to anyone. No one liked him. Nobody even gave him a chance because of how he was. 

He knew that waiting around like this was pathetic. He knew it was probably slowly killing him and any chance he’d ever have of a social life. Michael would never directly say anything though, he never liked confrontation or telling his friends that they were doing something he didn’t like. 

At first Michael would tell himself that of course they were telling the truth, they had no reason to lie. Now it seemed that they just preferred to never see him at all. He felt like he was overreacting. How could he be feeling sorry for himself just because his friends don’t see him on the weekends. 

There were times when all he wanted to do was grab his pencil or something sharp and just stab it into himself because as bad as it may be, his friends might just worry about him enough to give him the small amount of attention that he craves from them. Michael is willing to hang out with Jake at this point because of how things were going. 

There were times when Michael would be reading a story or watching something on TV and he would think about how much he really loved those characters. How much he wished they were real. Michael knew that it was sad. He wanted the company of fictional characters because he couldn’t find the comfort of real people.

Eventually there was going to be a point where he didn’t care anymore, where he didn’t even want company anymore. Michael was already nearing that point finding himself not totally caring when no one even ask what he was doing anymore. If no one wanted Michael around, then fine, he could live with that and he would be fine with that. 

Michael would go to school after the weekend and act like nothing was wrong when really all he wanted was some form of social interaction with somebody, anybody. 

He was so sick of his friends blowing him off, he was sick of them coming up with excuses, he was sick of constantly being paranoid, but most of all he was sick of himself. Michael could not stand one more day listening to his own thoughts which were so depressing and lonely. Distractions were becoming harder to use because all they did was remind him of how everybody else had people to hang out with, how come nobody wanted to be with him.

Michael wanted a boyfriend who showed him love, not whatever this was. He wanted friends who loved being around him not people who only talked to him when they needed him. He didn’t want to make friends, being rejected is too much of a common occurrence. Michael wanted to be more than the loser he already knew he was. 

As winter break rolled around and Michael said goodbye to all of his friends he went home in his P.T. cruiser. The weekend awaited him with its boring yet comforting outstretched arms. He sat on his bed and he looked at his phone ready to immerse himself in the joys fictional worlds brought him. Michael sat on his bed.

And he waited. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you all had lovely holidays and will have an amazing new year! Please drop a comment to cheer me up.


End file.
